Thirty years ago, when I was a distressed and miserable newbie in an Alanon program in Texas, I remember my sponsor reminding me regularly stop thinking so much, breathe in, breathe out, put one foot in front of the other and just do the next indicated thing. This advice has stood the test of time. I can't say that I have always taken it, but when life gets tough enough and I do it it always helps.
This year has been one of great and wonderful changes, and they have come with a price. I changed jobs and will be making a lot more money than in my old job and can afford to go to school to clear my teaching credential and pay off my debt. It was hard to leave, though, because I was, and still am, very attached to my coworkers who are like family and my students who are also like family.
My daughter, who has been living with us in San Diego, decided that it was time to move back to Texas to be with her dad. This is a great thing because she needs to have time with him to continue to develop a healthy relationship with him. On my side of the country now things are very quiet. No kids, no gaggle of teens giggling, making silly videos on the Mac and drinking all of the sodas, no girl time movie nights perched on my bed when my husband is out of town. It is way too quiet and I cry every time I drive past the high school.
And there is George. George was a dog we rescued and loved dearly. He was a good dog, a great cuddler and a strong defender of the home. This year he had to deal with a broken paw from a fall down the stairs and then renal failure. George crossed the rainbow bridge on July 9th of this year.
We have been spending every weekend going through the garage, the closets, the dressers and cabinets, cleansing and clearing, purging all the unnecessary stuff from our lives. Of course this brings back old memories, some best left forgotten and some poignant and emotional.
It may sound like everything is wrong in our lives, but the truth is that everything is right. It was right for me to choose a better employment situation to further my education and help my kids with their college payments. It was right for my daughter to move back to Texas and be with her dad and her closest friends for the last two years of high school. And it was right for George to be allowed to pass on because he was so very sick and in such terrible pain every minute of every day.
I think purging our home of all the extra clutter and unnecessary stuff is another way of coping, by completing the changes that have already taken place and creating a fresh new environment for my husband and me and our dog, Kya, to move on to the next part of our lives. It may feel like torture, and I may be having to put one foot in front of the other and breathe in and out and do the next thing in front of me to do, but I know from past experience that I will survive these changes and upheavals and that all will be well.
